Who is a narcissist?
We use the word “narcissist” a lot these days, but if you ask me who is a person with a narcissistic personality, popularly known as a “narcissist”, I would say that such a person, among others:
- is completely self-absorbed
- has no empathy
- feels that he is "in the ownership"
- considers manipulation and all kinds of lies, big and small, as a way to achieve what he cares about
- is defensive in a pathological way, you won't be able to get to its true core
- is not responsible for any mistakes because he believes that others make them, while he is never wrong
- follows twisted ethics rules, where his behaviour is always justified, regardless of whether it hurts someone or not
- can create a perfect image of himself, and even a story of his past, sometimes it's unbelievable what a narcissist can come up with in order to achieve what he wants or impress the others
- he can have two faces, the one for the world, the ideal one, the leader, even the spiritual guide, characterized by all positive features, while at home, behind closed doors, he can be a inhuman person. Also in a relationship, he can have two faces, the loving one and the cruel one, where even the eyes of this person can be very cold, like he is someone else.
- in a relationship, he depends on what he gets from the other person
- will give you false promises, will tell you what you want to hear, especially at the beginning of the relationship you will feel that you have found the ideal who shows great interest in you and makes you feel really important. Unfortunately, it's like throwing a hook with a worm into the water, and once you catch the rod, sooner or later you will feel like mentioned fish, struggling in the water, feeling like there is no way out.
Roughly translated, here are the main characteristics of a narcissistic person. It’s difficult to break away from a narcissistic person because you need to know how to prepare yourself beforehand. Moreover, after the breakup, you might not feel much better at all, regardless of whether you have children together or not. Ex partner with narcissistic personality disorder is less likely to leave you alone. Often they jump straight on to new relationship yet they will try lots of tricks, to keep you reminded he is always there, trying to get your attention often by messing around. It is never easy, but with the right support and boundaries being put in place, you are able to build your life afterwards.
A relationship with a narcissistic person is so specific that in most cases, seeking help from a specialist is necessary to avoid repeating the same story and not falling in love again with another narcissist. Often court arrangements are needed too. Remember, there is always a way to sort it out. I will help you in all of the areas I can, and will refer you to other professionals as required.
A narcissistic parent inflicts deep wounds, unfortunately often getting away with it, especially in environments where psychological or physical abuse is socially accepted. Despite of us talking more and more about narcissistic abuse, those, who have experienced it, are not aware what has happened to them. The victims, or more appropriately named, survivors of narcissistic abuse often blames themselves and may not realize how poorly they were treated during the relationship. As soon as they realise how emotionally stable relationship looks like, or how happy they can be on them own – they see how much pain the previous relationship provided. So the awareness of abuse comes afterwards and it is quite common in healing process.
If what you are reading in here, sounds familiar to you, reach out to me. Despite a busy schedule and ongoing projects, I want to help as many people as possible because I’ve been where you are. I benefited greatly from learning from my mentor, Caroline Strawson, a global expert in assisting individuals who have experienced trauma related to narcissistic abuse. Don’t be afraid to start, or in other words – be afraid as there are changes to come, be afraid and reach out for what is yours!
I know you might feel like a zombie now, an empty shell from which life has escaped. But also know that this state can and must be changed. What has happened to you isn’t your fault. However, what you do with this experience is your responsibility and your choice.